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Sunday, January 23, 2022
PETS YARD
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Let’s take a break from the bad news and talk buttered cats

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Dearest diary, I write again grouped under covers, on the edge of a frozen delirium, this time suitably seasoned, so at least there is. I pop an airborne chew at every tickle in my throat and hope 2022 doesn’t find me. . .

I mean, that’s enough already with this new year.

The Bag Lady can think of no better reason for the next fleeting or glimmering 90s or so to banish omicron, rises, quarantines, global and local tensions, fires, floods, and inflation in favor of intentionally dispensing and laser focus for a moment to squeeze in some joy.

The terrible will still wait. For now, let’s relax, breathe, and exhale.

Creative Services Metro Art / Drawing by Jason Rathbone

Let’s talk about annoying cats

If you haven’t yet read about the saga of Jorts the cat, please allow Bag Lady to keep up with you.

CliffsNotes Edition: Jorts is an office cat, in an unknown office. It’s orange, sweet and clumsy when they come on. Someone in said office, hoping to encourage Jorts to step up his tongue-bath game, started buttering on a crafty and *shock* it didn’t work and probably made his friend’s cat, Jean, sick. When Jorts’ office human kidnapper shared it all online in December, a Twitter account with 116,000 followers was born.

Jorts now dispense with wit, wisdom, and gentle encouragement as well as enhance other accounts through official merch Jorts – those “merch” that harbor cats for adoption. Everything is so terrible.

Jan, his cat girlfriend, is a staunch supporter of the union and you can tell she’s not enamored with internet fame.

I just made this up, but I promise it will never happen to Bag Lady to fat a cat.

*recovery*

I noticed it once in my academic career and remember feeling guilty. I mean, not as guilty as Pam might have felt like going off the internet for making a pet in the office, but she might have been close. (The Jorts human expert gave his co-worker the nickname “Pam” in the original posts for the saga. Pam was also trying to teach the Jorts to open doors, like smartypants Jean, to no avail. You know Pam tells friends and family now, no, no, that wasn’t I, though they like, yes, would totally have tried to teach a cat a lesson.)

Talk about joy

Things that go great with a little Land O’Lakes: Belgian waffles. baked potatoes; crab.

And if you’re looking to recreate your movie-watching experience at home, the Country Kitchen Bakery Outlet on Locust Street in Lewiston sells huge bags of buttered popcorn for $5.99. It’s very yellow, so you know it’s good.

While we are settling in and avoiding the dirt fire

I’m rewatching Season 2 of “Ted Lasso” from Apple TV for the thrill and can’t recommend Hulu’s “Only Murders in the Building” enough. Do you have a “survivor” itch between new seasons? Paramount+ has three seasons of “Australian Survivor,” and it’s now much steeper than the American version, in a good way. Cricky.

The last time Bug Lady wrote about antifreeze was at the end of summer, Mr. Bug Lady turned up the air conditioner. At the time, we were in the first season of “Love Island” in the UK.

Well, six months later and… we currently have a few season seven left.

The romance, the spoiled innuendo, the plot — it’s just as cheese ball as you might think, but these times, it’s practically public service when it comes to a nighttime distraction.

at the same time . . .

Dearest Diary, Please let the next 11 months go against all the fires of Hell expectations and instead be full of promise, hope, and less ignorance. In other news, Bag Cat did her annual checkup, and to no one’s surprise, she was told she had to lose some weight.

I’m already getting into butter.

xoxo

The Bag Lady’s true identity is protected by a pair of elegant sweater-wearing Doberman pins (which will eat anything that falls to the floor, including butter) and the Sun Journal’s customer service counter. You can access it at [email protected]


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